


The Ripples Left Behind

by fourdaysofrain



Series: Irondad Bingo! [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst, Arc Reactor, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-10 16:34:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20854871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fourdaysofrain/pseuds/fourdaysofrain
Summary: The ripple effect is a situation in which, like ripples expanding across the water when an object is dropped into it, an effect from an initial state can be followed outwards incrementally. A stone falls into a lake and a pond skater resting a yard away bobs up in down. An arc reactor just off the shoreline slowly glides across the water and leaves a slow trail of ripples in its wake.---After Tony's funeral, Pepper has something to give to Peter. (Whump: Arc Reactor)





	The Ripples Left Behind

The ripple effect is a situation in which, like ripples expanding across the water when an object is dropped into it, an effect from an initial state can be followed outwards incrementally. A stone falls into a lake and a pond skater resting a yard away bobs up in down. An arc reactor just off the shoreline slowly glides across the water and leaves a slow trail of ripples in its wake. 

Peter wonders what the center of this ripple is. Is it getting off the bus and chasing after a space ship? Being yelled at on the top of a roof? Walking into the apartment to find a superhero sitting on the couch? Maybe it went all the way back to getting May to sign the permission slip to Oscorp. He drags his toe across the surface of the lake and watches the water spread outwards. He’s sitting on the edge of a dock with his shoes at his side. He can still hear the gentle conversations coming from the cabin somewhere behind him. 

The cabin isn’t as full as it was a few hours ago. By now, with the edge of the sun just beginning to kiss the horizon, most of the heroes had already left. The only people who are still on the property that don’t live there are him, Rhodey, Happy, and May. Peter tried to stay in the cabin and be a part of their conversation, but he felt like everyone was speaking in another language. There were too many stories about Tony that he wasn’t alive to be there for. He didn’t deserve to be in the same room and grieve with his closest friends. He barely knew him. 

Peter kicks the water again, watching the water jump up and splash against his slacks. He slowly tracks the soft waves as his gaze moves upwards. He can’t see the wreath in the distance anymore. The realization causes his breath to catch in his throat. He hears someone approaching as his eyes begin to water. He blinks them away before looking over his shoulder. It’s Pepper and Morgan.

“Hey, Ms. Potts-- or, Stark, now.” He hopes she didn’t realize the way his voice caught on her last name. 

“You can call me Pepper, Peter.” Her eyes are still wet, but she gives him a warm smile. 

“Right. Pepper.”

“What are you doing all the way out here?”

“I’m just-- a little overwhelmed.” He clears his throat and fiddles with the edge of his suit jacket. He’s only met Pepper once or twice before any of this happened. 

“Can we sit with you?” Morgan asks as she pokes out from behind Pepper’s legs. 

“Yeah. Of course, of course.” 

He shifts to the right, leaving room for Pepper and Morgan to sit beside him. Pepper carefully sits in her dress and pulls Morgan onto her lap. The three of them look out at the sun setting over the lake. It’s almost peaceful. The sunset reflects off the water in a defiant shade of red, as if the universe is also bidding goodbye to Tony. 

“Morgan wanted to meet you. She’s heard a lot about you.” Pepper breaks the silence with a soft voice. Peter huffs under his breath as he looks over at Morgan. She gives him a shy wave. 

“I hope May isn’t telling any embarrassing stories back there.” He tries to laugh casually, but it tumbles out of his mouth ragged and raw. 

“Actually, most of the stories she’s heard were from Tony.”

“Oh, that’s-- uh. That’s--” Peter can barely breathe. He jolts when he feels a hand on his back, half-expecting it to be broader and more calloused. There’s not enough air. His eyes snap over to look at Morgan again. She shouldn’t see him like this. He’s going to scare her. There’s someone talking, the words coming to him through cement. 

“Peter, breathe. Just breathe.” The words finally get through to him and he can draw in a trembling breath. 

“I’m sorry, Mrs-- uh, Pepper. There’s just a lot to take in.”

“Don’t apologize, sweetheart.”

Peter hums in response, still trying to even his breathing. 

“Are you Spider-Man?” Morgan’s impromptu question makes him instinctively laugh, a bit too loud and sudden. 

“Yeah-- yeah, Morgan. I am.” He smiles carefully at her. He feels like he’s showing too much of his teeth. Or maybe not enough. God, what’s the normal amount of teeth to show? He doesn’t know this child. He looks back at his feet dangling over the lake, not wanting her to see him for a second longer. She wasn’t even here last week, and now she’s almost five years old and half of her DNA is from--

“Morgan, baby, why don’t you go see what Uncle Happy is up to? I’m going to talk to Peter for a bit,” Pepper cuts through Peter’s spiraling thoughts as she lifts Morgan off her lap and places her firmly on the dock behind them. Morgan gives a quick nod before going back to the cabin without a care in the world. Peter can’t help but feel jealous.

“I have something for you.” 

Pepper’s soft voice wavers in the air. He looks up from his feet and freezes. In the space between the two of them, there’s an arc reactor resting in Pepper’s hands. Something in Peter twists and breaks off. It leaves a wound somewhere deep in his chest, open and raw. With shaking hands, he takes it from her and cradles it in his hands like a dying bird. He can’t look away from the faint blue glow. The same glow that he saw fade out just days earlier. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to look anywhere else. 

“Pepper, I can’t take this. I--” Pepper cuts him off with a look and for a second he sees a spark in her eyes that mirrors the one Tony would have after a long night in the lab.

“Tony didn’t make any formal plans for if he-- what would happen after. He always left the paperwork to me.” 

Pepper pauses to look out over the lake, the fading sunlight caught in her eyes. They sit in silence for a few moments before she continues, “but he always talked about what legacy he wanted to leave for you. I know you’re not ready for all of it yet. It’s okay if you never are. You have such a long, happy life ahead of you. He would have wanted to be here for it.”

Her words hang in the air. Peter isn’t crying, not sure if he will ever be able to again. 

“The first few months after he got back, he… wasn’t in a good place. He went into a frenzy. He locked himself into his lab and made suit after suit. I hadn’t seen him like that in a long time. You knew him. You know how he hurts. He-- He was really hurting, Peter. If it weren’t for Morgan, I don’t know if he ever would have recovered. He lost so much.”

Peter looks silently over the lake with Pepper, both of them hoping for a miracle. 

“After about a year, he got rid of all his suits. All of them except for this one. He would have wanted you to have it. It’s not in working condition, but they were able to recover it from him before-- Before they took him away. The stones destroyed it.”

Peter looks down at the arc reactor. Something at the bottom of his gut twists painfully. He didn’t want to use it, didn’t think he would ever be able to put the suit on, but the fact that he won’t ever be able to see it again drives a dagger in his chest.

“But,” Pepper starts, her voice steadier, “you have access to all of his labs. He made sure you always had the highest clearance. If anything I’ve heard about you is true, you can rebuild it.”

“Pepper, I don’t think I can.” Peter’s voice sounds hollow and broken as it reaches his ears. Pepper starts to stand up next to him.

“It doesn’t have to be today. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow. It doesn’t have to happen at all if you don’t want to. But you can. You’re so strong, Peter. Remember that.”

Pepper leans down and kisses the crown of his head before he hears her footsteps creak away across the dock, heading back to the cabin. 

Peter takes a shaky breath in. He lets a shaky breath out. He looks out at the sun setting over the lake and then back down at the arc reactor.

He can do this. 

\---

Days go by.

Weeks.

Months. 

A year.

Another.

Peter keeps the arc reactor on the desk in his dorm room, letting its faint light offer him comfort as he falls asleep. 

He’s packing his suitcase for his trip back to New York for winter break.

He grabs the arc reactor.

And, a moment later, he grabs his tools.

**Author's Note:**

> Tony left more to Peter than EDITH and you can't prove me wrong!
> 
> This is for Iron Dad Bingo square "Whump: Arc Reactor." Does it count as whump if all the pain happened in canon? 
> 
> ughhh i can't write angst forgive me
> 
> Yell with me on tumblr at [spider-beep.tumblr.com](spider-beep.tumblr.com)!


End file.
